Just Stop Looking

You've been single for a few years now. The rest of your friends are either happily married, newly engaged, expecting baby number 2, or flitting from relationship to relationship as if they were putting on a fresh coat of nail polish. No one seems to know exactly what you are going through because no one seems to be in the same situation in their life. 

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. 

"I wish I had the freedom like you to travel where ever I want, and to hang out with my friends whenever I want."

I couldn't tell you how many times I have heard the above statement. My married friends with children envy the single life and the fact that I have time to hang out with my friends and do the fun things that they can no longer do. I would like to respond with a few fun facts for them: 

Fact #1: I can't travel where ever I want to. I want to see all of Canada, New York, Boston, Vegas, England, Scotland, Ireland, Thailand, Australia and parts of Africa. Travelling to all of these places takes a lot of money, which I don't have. I do have a good job, but my hours fluctuate and I have no set full-time schedule. I am single and have to pay all of my bills by myself. When student loan, car payment, insurance payment, groceries, cable and cell phone bills, health insurance, benefit payments are paid, there isn't a lot of extra spending money. I find myself just wishing I had enough money to go to Moncton for a week. 

Fact # 2: I can't hang out with my friends whenever I want. Most of my friends are either married, have kids, or a different work schedule (i.e. Monday 9-5). The only time they can hang out is on weekends or when they have a sitter. So yes, I do get to hang out when I want, but it is usually just with me. 

Fact # 3: Freedom is no fun unless you have someone to share it with. 

I am not throwing myself a pity party, just trying to dispute a few myths that married people think about single people. They should already know these are myths because they were single once themselves. 

"Just stop looking and he will find you," I have been told time and time again. I can also dispute this quote as a fraudulent one, because after I got my heart broken last year, I decided I was never going to look again. It has almost been 11 months and I haven't had a single date. Not even one respectable man has shown interest in me. How pathetic is that? 

So, is it "Stop looking and he will find you,"? 

Or do you have to put yourself out there if you want to get noticed? 

I've heard both of these pieces of information, and neither seems to work for me. Either way, at this point I don't really care. I have hashed it out many times with myself and with the few friends I have that will listen to me. I'm afraid I am going to drive them away with how miserable I am. 

Perhaps the best advice for me would be "Just Stop Complaining". 

On-line Dating

A friend of mine asked me recently if I had ever tried on-line dating. Of course I have! Anyone as desperate as me to get a husband will try just about anything. (I'm not exactly proud of that) 

Here's some of my issues/frustrations with on-line dating:

 Almost every guy on a dating site claims to be 6'. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but a little honesty goes a long way, and height isn't something worth lying about. 

On Christian dating sites, guys will state that the most important quality in a woman is her faith and relationship with Christ. This is clearly not true, because my profile states that as the most important thing too, and any guy who really believed that would try to contact me...and very few of this type of guy ever contacts me. 

Contact etiquette-- Who is supposed to send the first message? I am an old-fashioned girl and like to be asked out first, so my tactic is to "view" profiles that I find interesting, in hopes that one of the profilers I have viewed will find me attractive or endearing enough to message me back. This rarely works. 

Some of the guys that sound so perfect for me live in the US or overseas. Why don't any of them live close by? I'm not opposed to re-locating if that is what God has planned for me, but it makes it hard to plan a first date when one's passport is required to get to said date. 

The term "Christian" is thrown around very loosely on on-line dating sites. For some people, the term Christian means "Drinking and partying only once in awhile, not on a daily basis, like seriously just once a week. That's it."  The word Christian on a dating site can also be defined as a person that attends church on Easter and Christmas. Or, one of my favourite quotes: "I believe in God, but I don't let that belief define my life or affect me." 

I have received several matches on dating sites for 25 year old men that are divorced and on the market again. The fact that someone is 25 and ALREADY divorced is a huge red flag. Personally, I believe no one should be married before age 25 as most people don't know what they want until they are that age and really don't have a clue how to treat a person in a marriage relationship. How does one know what they want in life if they never have to experience it on their own first? I know no one is perfect and divorces do happen as often in Christian marriages as they do in other marriages. That being said, what could be so terrible that early on in marriage that someone decides to give up before they even turn 25? A 25 year old divorcee to me is either a sign of immaturity and indecision, or someone who was cheated on or abused. At any rate, most people are too young to be married before age 25, let alone divorced. 

Last but not least (give me time, I could think of more complaints with on-line dating), people are flawed and they often lie to get what they want. I could state that I have a very thin and sculpted body, and was once offered a modelling career, but that would be a lie. 

A guy could pretend to be a Christian, but does that mean he is?  If he will lie about his height, his income, and his interests, there's no telling what else he will lie about. 

& when we make plans will he even show up? Or is this some sick game he is playing? 

I hate on-line dating!! 

I really hate dating of any kind. If I could skip right to the marriage I think I would be fine with that.  Problem solved! 

Birthdays

Well, it's another birthday for me. I won't get into ages here, but I am going to remain 25 for the next few years, if anyone asks. 25 is a good solid age, you are considered an adult, but still considered young at the same time. Anything older than that is pushing 30 and that frightens me a bit. So 25 it is !

I have finally started logging my calories again. I have good intentions of sticking to my calorie goals even over the next 2 days with the birthday celebrations. I've asked Mom not to make me a cake because I fear I might eat it all. She makes the BEST cake in the universe, and if you disagree, you haven't tried it yet. 

A friend of mine just had her first baby today...just a few hours before my birthday. Interesting...the baby has no name yet but its a girl. 

Two friends of mine are getting married on May 18th. 

Three of my friends are pregnant with baby number three. 

And I'm sitting here blogging. As you can see, there is still nothing major going on in my life, but I have my family, my health and my career and I have faith in God, who has provided me with these things. 

I never experienced a teenage pregnancy, a physically abusive relationship, or a major health crisis. I live in a first world country and in an age of many technological advances. There are so many opportunities for women like me to become educated, fulfilled and even rich! 

Perhaps there is a rich millionaire bachelor in my future. One never knows... a girl can dream right? 

I'm not that shallow. I have never prayed for a wealthy husband or for great riches for myself. I have only prayed that God would supply all my needs. So far he has supplied all of them but one. And I think that last need is on its way to being met. It's just not HIS time. 

Valentine's Day 2013

Happy Valentine's Day! Once again I feel that this holiday (for lack of a better word) is exploiting the singles, and exposing them for what they really are: alone. We are the walking wounded, and all we do is complain about the fact that no one loves us on Valentine's Day or any other day of the year. What gets me the most is that two years ago I posted a blog entry on Valentine's Day and I vowed that I wouldn't be single the next year; that I couldn't handle another night alone watching pathetic chick flicks and eating ice cream until my guts explode.  Two years later, I am still single.

Today I am suffering from paranoia. When a guy breaks my heart or dumps me, I smile and pretend that it doesn't bother me. I even wish them well on the outside, but on the inside I am praying, "Please don't let them get a girlfriend until I get a boyfriend!" Don't pretend you haven't wished the same thing.  :)

I have a sneaking suspicion that a guy who recently broke my heart is in the midst of entering a new relationship. I have been paranoid about this for awhile, and most of the time I don't think about it because I'm too busy with life in general. But today, those thoughts of doom keep creeping back. I know that if he gets a girlfriend that the real problem was me, and not the fact that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. 
Is any of this making sense? It all makes sense in my own mind but as I type it, it starts to sound ridiculous. 

Every time I pray I beg and plead of God that he sends me someone soon. It sounds like a load of hogwash but I don't think I can live as a single much longer. The longer I am single the more I crave a relationship. I'm not cut out for the single life, and I have the same needs that every woman has. We crave adult relationships, and I don't think that is wrong. If God didn't intend for us to be married, then why bother with creating Adam and Eve? He definitely had some sort of a plan there. 

Today I'm going to list all of the positive things about being single so that I feel better about myself. Maybe this list will enlighten others as well.

  1. Any money I earn is mine, all mine! It might not be much, but it's mine. Except for the tithing, which in all honesty I forget to do sometimes.  

2. I can go out for coffee, to the gym, or a road trip at pretty much the drop of a hat if I want to. 

3. I can hang out with male friends without anyone questioning my motives. 

4. I can buy a new outfit or make a career change without consulting with anyone over finances first. 

5. I can learn to rely on God more. I think if I was married I would be turning to my husband with my problems first before handing them over to God. This is a major benefit to being single. 

So there you have it. There is always a bright side to things..this is not to say that I wouldn't jump at the chance to get married if God sets a decent and mature Christian man in my path. I would give up numbers 1-4 for some "true" love when the time comes. 

God's Gift to Women

Greetings to all who read this post. I'm sure the number of readers is unsubstantial in the grand scheme of things, but I thank you for your time nonetheless. :) 

I've been avoiding any discussion of weight loss because I have been ashamed of myself lately, and there has been so much more going on in my life. I am back on track with healthy eating and exercise, but I have 5 pounds left to lose until I reach my lowest weight since I started my journey. I have good faith that I can lose the 5 pounds in a couple of weeks and continue to become even healthier in the days ahead. 

The title of this post is a strange one, but the thought came to my mind when I was considering the few single Christian men that I know. I believe that many of them are under the impression that they are God's gift to women and that none of the Christian girls are good enough for them. 

I've heard it so many times. "There are just no Christian girls that turn my head." This is because a decent girl is usually covered with clothing, not exposed to turn heads.  

I DESPISE it when guys play the God card when they reject girls, as if by telling us that we aren't part of God's plan for them is somehow going to soften the blow of heartache. 

Listen up! If you are really that concerned with God's will then perhaps you can stop cracking the dirty jokes, the swearing, and give up the pornographic videos. If you can't do that, then at least try being kind once in awhile. Then the whole, "I'm just waiting for God's perfect choice for me," will hold more meaning.  

A girl can tell when a guy is truly seeking God's will. Knowing that he is a man after God's own heart comes from the way he conducts himself on a daily basis, not by how Biblical he can make a breakup or a rejection sound. 

My prayer is that I meet someone some day that actually means what he says; that he is seeking God's will for his life. I do believe God has someone out there for each woman that desires in her heart to be married. Maybe his plans for my life are so wonderful that finding the right guy for me takes more time. All I know is that I will be perfectly content and over-the-moon happy when I finally find the guy I am meant to be with for the rest of my life. 

Hollywood vs. Reality

Christmas is just around the corner. Seriously...it is just a little over a month away. I found this photo of a cutesy couple (probably actors) making out in a car covered in fake snow. Just thought I would share. For some reason I really like the photo but it goes against everything I stand for. Although I've always been a fan of kissing in cars during the winter time, I don't like couples that are phony, and I don't like the Hollywood style of staged romance where everything just falls into place and everyone lives happily ever after. 
They should make movies about the stay-at-home Mom with four kids all under age 10 who are struggling just to make it through the day. Or better yet the working woman who has to juggle careers and children. In this day and age women are expected to do it all. It's not just the husband that has to be the bread-winner any more. 
But Hollywood never tells you these things.Hollywood's version of love and marriage is all about romanticism and sex. Which are all well and good, but they don't put food on the table or pay bills. They don't make a marriage last. I fear a lot of people are getting married just for those two reasons and these people are in for a rude awakening. 
A real marriage should be founded above all on Christ. Marriage takes commitment, effort, hard work, sacrifice, mutual respect, shared values, shared goals and dreams. When you are considering a man or woman for marriage, you should ask yourself these questions: 

"Is there mutual attraction?" (This is a no-brainer because no one is going to date someone they aren't attracted to. There has to be something special in the beginning that draws you to someone else. This doesn't mean that the girl has to look like a super model or the guy has to be ripped. There are plenty of attractive qualities in the average looking person. When you fall in love, the person will be beautiful to you regardless.)
"Is he someone that I can spend the rest of my life with?" (This question is very important. If you find yourself getting bored of him already, things aren't going to get any better) 
"Does she respect me the way I want to be respected?"  (Men need to feel that they are respected and they don't like to be embarrassed in front of their friends, so don't do that)
"Is he/she a Bible-believing Christian that loves God?"   (If you are a Christian ask this question, if not it doesn't apply)
"How does he/she treat family members of the opposite sex?" 
(If he can't respect his mother and sisters he won't respect you. Mind you, you want the guy to be somewhat independent of his mother.) 
"Do we both want the same things out of life?"  (If you really want to have children and the other party doesn't want to, then you might want to reconsider, because offspring are one of those important decisions) 
"How do we communicate?"  (Communication is one of the most important things on the list.  In an ideal world, men would be able to read women like a book, but they can't. When you have a problem or issue that you want to discuss, or if someone has hurt your feelings, the best thing is to talk about it. If you have to write your problems down on paper in order to convey them properly, that is fine too. Any and all areas of a relationship need to be discussed between a man and a woman before they get married. If you are too shy to discuss something with your significant other, there could be some issues that need to be resolved before the wedding. What makes people think that having a ring on their finger is going to make communicating easier. A simple solution to this problem is to put down all smartphones for a day and actually force yourself to communicate face-to-face, eye-ball to eye-ball, just like people did in the olden days. When the divorce rate was surprisingly lower.) 
Finally, I believe that when you find the right person you should be able to enjoy sitting with them in private and have a conversation that is almost as stimulating as anything physical that might happen with a couple. Kissing is great, but conversations are good for the mind and soul and help you get to know a person better. 

So you might wonder why a single 26 year old woman is writing a blog entry on some of the keys to a successful relationship/marriage. 

I have been around the block enough to know what I don't want in a husband. I've been single long enough to conjure up who I want and I am smart enough to know that waiting for the right person is better than being unhappily married. 

I know a thing or two about what makes marriages fail. I have seen it in my friends and peers. People get married for the wrong reasons, or they get married too young before they even know what they are looking for. People don't communicate their needs enough. 

And most importantly, people don't pray about it. God knows how much you want to get married (if you do) and he will provide a husband/wife for those who truly love him and trust him. 

 It's also important to seek guidance from elders. (Never thought I'd see the day when I said that, but it's true) Ask questions from the people who have either had successful marriages, or who have been divorced. There is something to be learned even from those who have made mistakes. So when you are given advice that sounds even remotely reasonable, don't shrug it off. 

So, instead of wishing and hoping for that Hollywood romance, pray that God will give you your hearts desires in a sensible way. One never knows the good things he has in store for his children. ~

Depths of Despair

Do you ever feel like you are in the depths of despair? I know it sounds a bit dramatic. But we all have those days when it just feels like nothing is going right in our life.
Today is one of those days.
I have been so emotional today. I just finished working three 12 hour day shifts, and I'm exhausted. I wore my old sneakers to work the last three days and they killed my feet. I tried to get ahead of myself by finishing  5 Biology essay/assignments in one week. Upon printing these assignments today, I discover that assignment 5 is missing the last page of the essay. How frustrating! It's minor, but wasn't a good way to start the day.
Then for some reason, all I could think for the remainder of the day were negative thoughts.
I just feel like crying. I feel so alone right now. Some days I don't think of it, but whenever I do, I just want to hibernate in my bed and never leave.
Getting up in the morning is such a chore. Going to work and coming home to sleep alone in a cold bed is getting so old. By the time I find true love I'll be too old to enjoy it.
It sounds like I'm complaining, but really I'm just venting. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.