Valentine's Day 2013

Happy Valentine's Day! Once again I feel that this holiday (for lack of a better word) is exploiting the singles, and exposing them for what they really are: alone. We are the walking wounded, and all we do is complain about the fact that no one loves us on Valentine's Day or any other day of the year. What gets me the most is that two years ago I posted a blog entry on Valentine's Day and I vowed that I wouldn't be single the next year; that I couldn't handle another night alone watching pathetic chick flicks and eating ice cream until my guts explode.  Two years later, I am still single.

Today I am suffering from paranoia. When a guy breaks my heart or dumps me, I smile and pretend that it doesn't bother me. I even wish them well on the outside, but on the inside I am praying, "Please don't let them get a girlfriend until I get a boyfriend!" Don't pretend you haven't wished the same thing.  :)

I have a sneaking suspicion that a guy who recently broke my heart is in the midst of entering a new relationship. I have been paranoid about this for awhile, and most of the time I don't think about it because I'm too busy with life in general. But today, those thoughts of doom keep creeping back. I know that if he gets a girlfriend that the real problem was me, and not the fact that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. 
Is any of this making sense? It all makes sense in my own mind but as I type it, it starts to sound ridiculous. 

Every time I pray I beg and plead of God that he sends me someone soon. It sounds like a load of hogwash but I don't think I can live as a single much longer. The longer I am single the more I crave a relationship. I'm not cut out for the single life, and I have the same needs that every woman has. We crave adult relationships, and I don't think that is wrong. If God didn't intend for us to be married, then why bother with creating Adam and Eve? He definitely had some sort of a plan there. 

Today I'm going to list all of the positive things about being single so that I feel better about myself. Maybe this list will enlighten others as well.

  1. Any money I earn is mine, all mine! It might not be much, but it's mine. Except for the tithing, which in all honesty I forget to do sometimes.  

2. I can go out for coffee, to the gym, or a road trip at pretty much the drop of a hat if I want to. 

3. I can hang out with male friends without anyone questioning my motives. 

4. I can buy a new outfit or make a career change without consulting with anyone over finances first. 

5. I can learn to rely on God more. I think if I was married I would be turning to my husband with my problems first before handing them over to God. This is a major benefit to being single. 

So there you have it. There is always a bright side to things..this is not to say that I wouldn't jump at the chance to get married if God sets a decent and mature Christian man in my path. I would give up numbers 1-4 for some "true" love when the time comes.