Hollywood vs. Reality

Christmas is just around the corner. Seriously...it is just a little over a month away. I found this photo of a cutesy couple (probably actors) making out in a car covered in fake snow. Just thought I would share. For some reason I really like the photo but it goes against everything I stand for. Although I've always been a fan of kissing in cars during the winter time, I don't like couples that are phony, and I don't like the Hollywood style of staged romance where everything just falls into place and everyone lives happily ever after. 
They should make movies about the stay-at-home Mom with four kids all under age 10 who are struggling just to make it through the day. Or better yet the working woman who has to juggle careers and children. In this day and age women are expected to do it all. It's not just the husband that has to be the bread-winner any more. 
But Hollywood never tells you these things.Hollywood's version of love and marriage is all about romanticism and sex. Which are all well and good, but they don't put food on the table or pay bills. They don't make a marriage last. I fear a lot of people are getting married just for those two reasons and these people are in for a rude awakening. 
A real marriage should be founded above all on Christ. Marriage takes commitment, effort, hard work, sacrifice, mutual respect, shared values, shared goals and dreams. When you are considering a man or woman for marriage, you should ask yourself these questions: 

"Is there mutual attraction?" (This is a no-brainer because no one is going to date someone they aren't attracted to. There has to be something special in the beginning that draws you to someone else. This doesn't mean that the girl has to look like a super model or the guy has to be ripped. There are plenty of attractive qualities in the average looking person. When you fall in love, the person will be beautiful to you regardless.)
"Is he someone that I can spend the rest of my life with?" (This question is very important. If you find yourself getting bored of him already, things aren't going to get any better) 
"Does she respect me the way I want to be respected?"  (Men need to feel that they are respected and they don't like to be embarrassed in front of their friends, so don't do that)
"Is he/she a Bible-believing Christian that loves God?"   (If you are a Christian ask this question, if not it doesn't apply)
"How does he/she treat family members of the opposite sex?" 
(If he can't respect his mother and sisters he won't respect you. Mind you, you want the guy to be somewhat independent of his mother.) 
"Do we both want the same things out of life?"  (If you really want to have children and the other party doesn't want to, then you might want to reconsider, because offspring are one of those important decisions) 
"How do we communicate?"  (Communication is one of the most important things on the list.  In an ideal world, men would be able to read women like a book, but they can't. When you have a problem or issue that you want to discuss, or if someone has hurt your feelings, the best thing is to talk about it. If you have to write your problems down on paper in order to convey them properly, that is fine too. Any and all areas of a relationship need to be discussed between a man and a woman before they get married. If you are too shy to discuss something with your significant other, there could be some issues that need to be resolved before the wedding. What makes people think that having a ring on their finger is going to make communicating easier. A simple solution to this problem is to put down all smartphones for a day and actually force yourself to communicate face-to-face, eye-ball to eye-ball, just like people did in the olden days. When the divorce rate was surprisingly lower.) 
Finally, I believe that when you find the right person you should be able to enjoy sitting with them in private and have a conversation that is almost as stimulating as anything physical that might happen with a couple. Kissing is great, but conversations are good for the mind and soul and help you get to know a person better. 

So you might wonder why a single 26 year old woman is writing a blog entry on some of the keys to a successful relationship/marriage. 

I have been around the block enough to know what I don't want in a husband. I've been single long enough to conjure up who I want and I am smart enough to know that waiting for the right person is better than being unhappily married. 

I know a thing or two about what makes marriages fail. I have seen it in my friends and peers. People get married for the wrong reasons, or they get married too young before they even know what they are looking for. People don't communicate their needs enough. 

And most importantly, people don't pray about it. God knows how much you want to get married (if you do) and he will provide a husband/wife for those who truly love him and trust him. 

 It's also important to seek guidance from elders. (Never thought I'd see the day when I said that, but it's true) Ask questions from the people who have either had successful marriages, or who have been divorced. There is something to be learned even from those who have made mistakes. So when you are given advice that sounds even remotely reasonable, don't shrug it off. 

So, instead of wishing and hoping for that Hollywood romance, pray that God will give you your hearts desires in a sensible way. One never knows the good things he has in store for his children. ~

Depths of Despair

Do you ever feel like you are in the depths of despair? I know it sounds a bit dramatic. But we all have those days when it just feels like nothing is going right in our life.
Today is one of those days.
I have been so emotional today. I just finished working three 12 hour day shifts, and I'm exhausted. I wore my old sneakers to work the last three days and they killed my feet. I tried to get ahead of myself by finishing  5 Biology essay/assignments in one week. Upon printing these assignments today, I discover that assignment 5 is missing the last page of the essay. How frustrating! It's minor, but wasn't a good way to start the day.
Then for some reason, all I could think for the remainder of the day were negative thoughts.
I just feel like crying. I feel so alone right now. Some days I don't think of it, but whenever I do, I just want to hibernate in my bed and never leave.
Getting up in the morning is such a chore. Going to work and coming home to sleep alone in a cold bed is getting so old. By the time I find true love I'll be too old to enjoy it.
It sounds like I'm complaining, but really I'm just venting. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Your Heart Will Know

They say when the right one comes along, your heart will know. Is this some kind of sentimental rubbish? The heart is a hollow, pump like organ located in the chest between the lungs. Its various functions include pumping oxygen through veins and throughout the body. Without a heart, it would be difficult, dare I say impossible to live. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful that God gave me a heart and it has its specific place in the daily function of our bodies. I just don't understand what the heart has to do with finding that special someone. 
Four years ago, I made an agreement with myself that I wouldn't allow myself to fall for anyone. I told myself that when the right guy came along, he would pursue me and that I would know. The purpose of this agreement was so that I didn't allow myself to get hurt like I have many times in the past. I was doing just fine for those four years. Yes, it was a bit frustrating having no options and no one that I took interest in, but I assumed that was God's way of protecting my "heart" from another upset, like I had asked him to. 
Four years.. during this time I went on a date, with one or two guys. I could tell from what I knew about these guys and how we interacted that none of them could have been "the one" God had for me. There was something missing. When you live in a town like Yarmouth where there are very few unmarried Christian men, you have to take the opportunities to date when you can. 
So for years I went on living my life, pretending to be content as a single person. I told people that is where God wanted me at that point in time, despite being reminded by some of my friends that my biological clock was ticking and that I need to enjoy being in love while I am young. Most of the advice I received from my young peers was not Godly advice. I know they meant well and just wanted me to find happiness like they had, but praying for me would have gone a lot farther than the constant harping and the questions "Haven't you got a man yet?" 
Of course I want to be in love. No girl dreams that some day when she is a grown up, she will be alone, never married, no children, feeling like she has no place in this world and no value; finding herself at a standstill, waiting for some unknown reason for her most earnest prayer to be answered.  
This year, I thought God had finally answered my prayer. I met a really great guy over the summer, and for a month after meeting him, we communicated almost on a daily basis. I was very excited because he was so nice and such a good Christian. He was so different from any guy I had ever met. I didn't think a guy would spend that much time talking to me unless he liked me. At least, it had never happened that way in the past. Like a fool I let myself think there was something there, but in reality my feelings were unrequited. To make a long story short we are no longer speaking. But I am sure some day he will meet someone that deserves a guy like him. Why wouldn't he want to wait for the best thing anyway? I can't begrudge him that. 
I was starting to think God was just playing games. Like he was dangling something in front of me just to yank it away. "Whoops, just kidding. You can't be happy after all."  
Then I thought to myself, "You can't blame God for this because that is just stupid." 
My thoughts are strange and random. 
What last summer taught me was that I really need to be sure of where my relationships are going before I let my head or my heart, whatever it is... get carried away. I can't waste time getting to know someone unless they are going to be upfront with me from the start. Somewhere out there is the guy for me, and when God decides to reveal whoever he is, I need to be ready. I'm hoping that when that time comes, things will just fall into place. I don't want to have to do all of the work. I need God to take care of things. My hope and my prayer is that he will. & soon!! ;)

Quote of the day: ~Sometimes what seems to be human rejection is actually God's protection~ (anonymous but I love it)

What Matters Most?

Today is a struggle. I find myself thinking, is there anyone out there that really likes me? I mean, of course there are family members like Mom and Dad that are obligated to like me. 
 I have friends that will go for months without talking to me and then expect to be able to pick up where we left off. I understand that we all live busy lives, but they aren't any busier than I am. I have work, school, church and extracurricular activities to keep me going. On top of all that, trying to lose weight is no picnic. (more on this later)  
We all have those friends, and we are happy that they have found Mr. Right, married and had children, bought houses, and moved on with their lives making the rest of us feel like inferior idiots because ten years have passed since high school and nothing has really changed for us.
 I really want nothing more for my friends than to be happy. But they were my friends before their life "rocked"...so to speak. We share the ups and downs of the single life, laugh and cry together, pray together, and send the occasional note of encouragement. We stand next to them in their weddings wearing the dresses that they chose for THEIR vision, and still have to pay for them. (They say the dresses can be shortened and wore again but we know that's just a ploy) They have one, maybe two, or even three children. & there I sit, barren and alone, waiting for a chance to even go on a date with a decent guy that has two clues about life and how to treat women. All I've wanted from the time I turned 18 was the chance to get married. It was once predicted by one of my friends that I would be the first of our group to get married, but it's looking like I will be the last. I guess the joke is on me. Where are my married friends now? Do they care about me? Do they still pray for me like they always promised they would?    
Which brings me to another question "What Matters Most?"  
Am I supposed to try to find my own husband? And if so, how do I go about doing it. I've lost a significant amount of weight, and I am not even close to skinny, but I don't perceive myself to be a hideous looking person. 
I am usually kind to everyone. Does kindness matter though? Is that even something that guys care about when they look for a wife? 
I pray constantly that God will send me the right person, reminding him that I am getting older and running out of time to have children. "God you say children are a blessing right? Don't you want me to be blessed? Are you punishing me by withholding from me the one thing that I want most?" 
I will admit, the tone of my prayer is not always right, or trusting.
I've been trying to trust in God. I've trusted in him for the past five years, and believe me, it hasn't been easy. I've been tempted in so many ways to slip up and do some really stupid things just to land a husband. But, by the grace of God I didn't. He must have been protecting me all along, like he has in so many ways in the past. I've also had to learn that God is not out to punish us for sins of the past, and that once he has forgiven our sins he remembers them no more. 
But it's hard for me not to dwell in the past. I'm not the pure saint that many of my peers think I am. I have sinned a great deal more than I should have, but God forgave me! He keeps on forgiving and loving me like he always does, and for that I am truly thankful. 
So, it's not my time. It is not my time to be married or else I would be. God is in control and he has a plan over every little detail of our lives. So whether we worry about Obama being re-elected, how we are going to pay our bills, when we are going to get married or where all of our friends are, God knows everything we are going through. He does care, and he wants to hear from us.