They should make movies about the stay-at-home Mom with four kids all under age 10 who are struggling just to make it through the day. Or better yet the working woman who has to juggle careers and children. In this day and age women are expected to do it all. It's not just the husband that has to be the bread-winner any more.
But Hollywood never tells you these things.Hollywood's version of love and marriage is all about romanticism and sex. Which are all well and good, but they don't put food on the table or pay bills. They don't make a marriage last. I fear a lot of people are getting married just for those two reasons and these people are in for a rude awakening.
A real marriage should be founded above all on Christ. Marriage takes commitment, effort, hard work, sacrifice, mutual respect, shared values, shared goals and dreams. When you are considering a man or woman for marriage, you should ask yourself these questions:
"Is there mutual attraction?" (This is a no-brainer because no one is going to date someone they aren't attracted to. There has to be something special in the beginning that draws you to someone else. This doesn't mean that the girl has to look like a super model or the guy has to be ripped. There are plenty of attractive qualities in the average looking person. When you fall in love, the person will be beautiful to you regardless.)
"Is he someone that I can spend the rest of my life with?" (This question is very important. If you find yourself getting bored of him already, things aren't going to get any better)
"Does she respect me the way I want to be respected?" (Men need to feel that they are respected and they don't like to be embarrassed in front of their friends, so don't do that)
"Is he/she a Bible-believing Christian that loves God?" (If you are a Christian ask this question, if not it doesn't apply)
"How does he/she treat family members of the opposite sex?"
(If he can't respect his mother and sisters he won't respect you. Mind you, you want the guy to be somewhat independent of his mother.)
"Do we both want the same things out of life?" (If you really want to have children and the other party doesn't want to, then you might want to reconsider, because offspring are one of those important decisions)
"How do we communicate?" (Communication is one of the most important things on the list. In an ideal world, men would be able to read women like a book, but they can't. When you have a problem or issue that you want to discuss, or if someone has hurt your feelings, the best thing is to talk about it. If you have to write your problems down on paper in order to convey them properly, that is fine too. Any and all areas of a relationship need to be discussed between a man and a woman before they get married. If you are too shy to discuss something with your significant other, there could be some issues that need to be resolved before the wedding. What makes people think that having a ring on their finger is going to make communicating easier. A simple solution to this problem is to put down all smartphones for a day and actually force yourself to communicate face-to-face, eye-ball to eye-ball, just like people did in the olden days. When the divorce rate was surprisingly lower.)
Finally, I believe that when you find the right person you should be able to enjoy sitting with them in private and have a conversation that is almost as stimulating as anything physical that might happen with a couple. Kissing is great, but conversations are good for the mind and soul and help you get to know a person better.
So you might wonder why a single 26 year old woman is writing a blog entry on some of the keys to a successful relationship/marriage.
I have been around the block enough to know what I don't want in a husband. I've been single long enough to conjure up who I want and I am smart enough to know that waiting for the right person is better than being unhappily married.
I know a thing or two about what makes marriages fail. I have seen it in my friends and peers. People get married for the wrong reasons, or they get married too young before they even know what they are looking for. People don't communicate their needs enough.
And most importantly, people don't pray about it. God knows how much you want to get married (if you do) and he will provide a husband/wife for those who truly love him and trust him.
It's also important to seek guidance from elders. (Never thought I'd see the day when I said that, but it's true) Ask questions from the people who have either had successful marriages, or who have been divorced. There is something to be learned even from those who have made mistakes. So when you are given advice that sounds even remotely reasonable, don't shrug it off.
So, instead of wishing and hoping for that Hollywood romance, pray that God will give you your hearts desires in a sensible way. One never knows the good things he has in store for his children. ~
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