God gives us memories so we can have roses in December~ JM Barrie
I am trying to trust God in all aspects of my life. He has given me so much to be thankful for. Family and friends, a job, a roof over my head, and a beautiful country to live in. He has taken care of me thus far, so why shouldn't I expect the best from him in the future?
I just get to thinking of how my life is drifting away and how I am STILL not married and still have no children. I keep reminding myself there is more to life than that, but there really isn't. I am not meant to be a career woman and I never will be. All I ever wanted for myself since I was a child was to be a wife and mother first and foremost. Since that didn't happen when I turned 19, I decided I had to do something with my life and support myself because a rich man just wasn't going to fall into my lap. So I went to college and took "Human Services". What does that mean anyway? I was unsure of what lay ahead. I wasn't even sure I was taking a course that I would like. Infact, I was very uneasy about the whole thing.
College helped me grow up in many ways. Even though at times I daydreamed during class that I would meet a nice Christian guy and get married by graduation day, I enjoyed my classes. I really learned alot, not only from my instructors, but from friends I met along the way.
As surprising as this might sound, I graduated at age 21 not married. I invited the guy I was "seeing" at the time to go to my grad ceremony but he wouldn't go because he had to prepare for his prom the next day.
Strangely enough, I dated in college, but they weren't the men God would have for me. I learned that the hard way, but I don't regret anything. I have decided not to regret any of my past loves. We all make mistakes in this area. Since my last breakup I have guarded my heart. I fall too quickly. Each time it is harder to get back up. In the past 3 plus years since Mr. Dean, my last real boyfriend, I've had a couple of interests, but nothing serious, and nothing promising.
I am starting to get frustrated. Why am I so obsessed with this? I suppose you could call it sinning because instead of trusting God and being thankful for what I have, I am putting my focus on what I don't have. Thus causing me to be depressed. God doesn't want his children to stress over things, but I am only human.
I often wonder, why was it so easy for my friends to find the love of their life? Why did I have to endure heartbreak after heartbreak, and in the meantime attend their weddings and put on a happy face. I was so happy for them. I just got sick of hearing, "Some day it will be your turn," almost as if they had to convince themselves, and not me.
Then I think about the positives of not getting married early in life. I've gotten to spend more time with my friends. I have had more opportunities to travel. I know how to manage money, pay bills, etc. So the same type of responsibilities won't come as a shock to me as it would a "young" person. The type of work that I do as a residential care worker prepares me to deal with behaviors and such (which might come in handy when I have children some day).
I also think that having to wait and rely on God to help you find your spouse is a true test of patience and faithfulness. When Mr. Right-for-me comes along, I will appreciate him so much. God is ever faithful and he never lets us go through a trial that we can't handle.
This started out as a weight loss blog, but it turned into so much more. Blogging and journalling are ways of coping with stressors and events in my life. In my last entry I stated that I wanted to try jogging. Well, I have succeeded with that. I attempted jogging a mile yesterday, and I jogged nearly 2 miles. I still have it in me, but with the cold weather coming I think I will stick to walking and my yoga DVDs.
My Grandfather and I made a deal with each other that we would both lose 20 pounds by the time he has surgery on January 13th. This is going to be difficult with the Christmas season upon us, but we are both bound and determined to reach that goal. A week from today I will blog about my week, whether it was successful or not.
Until next time, thanks for reading! Remember God is good, even when we aren't. ~H
